tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73434869847088140622024-02-18T23:49:02.999-08:00What About Today...Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today... Mark TwainUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-35011239886526215672015-03-26T10:09:00.000-07:002015-03-26T10:09:16.642-07:00Seeing the Opportunity<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I sat at my desk doing regular admin stuff. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Trying to keep busy...my mind thinking about the weather and kids and dinner.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Life as I know it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not perfect, but pretty nice in the grand scheme of things.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He walked in and he wasn't the usual type who walks into an arts centre and gallery in the middle of the day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He told me he was trying to get his poetry published and was wondering where to start.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I thought for a minute, knowing we didn't offer those services or helps...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"That's great", I said, "unfortunately we don't provide anything like that here..."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He interrupted before I could finish the sentence, defensive...noticeably too familiar with being shut-down, turned away, cut-off.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"I wasn't saying you guys did that stuff...."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And then the transparency and the truth. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Raw and hard to hear, yet surprising and maybe refreshing in its rareness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"It's just that I'm homeless ya know...yeah, I live at that shelter...you know, drugs and alcohol. And I write and I want to do something with it, and I don't really know where to start."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Time stopped for me right there, right then. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dinner and the weather and other diversions seemed a long way off in the distance.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I looked at him - in his eyes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All of the things he just told me....I wouldn't have known.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He just seemed like an edgy kid, with a cold, in a hoodie.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I repositioned myself to let him know that I wasn't distracted.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My leg brushed the panic button dangling under the desk.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"That's really great that you're using your creativity...have you tried the library? They sometimes have writers circles and they could probably gear you in the right direction."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">His gaze was intense. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I met it with mine.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Thanks, do you have to pay for those circles", he asked.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I told him I was pretty sure they were free.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He turned to leave, and then paused and looked back...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Hey, do you want to hear one of my poems?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I told him I'd love to.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He took off his hood and straightened his ball cap. He almost started and then smiled and said, "it's from 2008 and it's at least 30 seconds long...so DON'T interrupt me."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He shared from memory, it was rhythmic spoken word, and it was a statement on how society tells you they care, but they usually don't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He was flawless.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't look away once. I watched him for the duration. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Eloquent.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Seen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Valid.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I told him it was awesome.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He did a great job.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He asked me my name and told me his.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He said thanks for the info.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I told him good luck.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was struck by his transparency. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He had a lot to hide - </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">we all do</i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> - but he didn't hide it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He vulnerably offered up what he had to offer and took the chance that someone would want to hear it. <i>Why do I think my offering might not measure up?</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He asked for help and direction, and gave ME the opportunity to jump into his path for a split second. <i>Why do I fake strength where I'm weak...and forgo the opportunity for growth and community?</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am well acquainted with the journey, downfalls and lifelong struggles of addiction. I know that he has a hard road ahead of him. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I happen to believe that God's got his number, and knows His name...and that He's got better plans for him than addiction and homelessness and struggle. I believe because of this:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLs10VdITnot9lJ3NK01YL4LTTEg2C8N4KIOm3ifVSM0IsMiRkdak6LsrWZqDGSUoBsXfR3UoxcOOQ5Dq19_LyO3Ek1V5HUYUAfZW7Ti5M-3a3fEEFujm7nCjdbQlcX0u9TSQgaZCX2Y8B/s1600/romans417.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLs10VdITnot9lJ3NK01YL4LTTEg2C8N4KIOm3ifVSM0IsMiRkdak6LsrWZqDGSUoBsXfR3UoxcOOQ5Dq19_LyO3Ek1V5HUYUAfZW7Ti5M-3a3fEEFujm7nCjdbQlcX0u9TSQgaZCX2Y8B/s1600/romans417.jpg" height="248" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want to walk through life with open mind, open heart, and open hands.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want to be part of the movement that restores...and sees the promise behind the pain.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That day, that interaction, it was a Divine set-up. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was an opportunity.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm thankful for it.</span><br />
<i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I always want to see the opportunity.</i><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Check out this guys' opportunity and what he did with it ~ amazing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="http://www.ellentv.com/2015/01/09/a-pizza-shop-customers-kind-gesture-turns-into-pay-it-forward-campaign/">A Pizza Shop Customer's Kind Gesture Turns Into Pay-It-Forward Campaign</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ha609uxp0fyfl8HkfsU5r8_ngZrEV9iUoAoL3VXoSxHdCvXS3xVIAnJS02muQf5DkbPRXKfN3Q6vbtGbqAYVldW_RDcfzQwNvmyjcyuR_25IWcBXIg0Tv1W2sYUeAyTyE9RO0a-3PJHC/s1600/mason.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ha609uxp0fyfl8HkfsU5r8_ngZrEV9iUoAoL3VXoSxHdCvXS3xVIAnJS02muQf5DkbPRXKfN3Q6vbtGbqAYVldW_RDcfzQwNvmyjcyuR_25IWcBXIg0Tv1W2sYUeAyTyE9RO0a-3PJHC/s1600/mason.jpg" height="297" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-51088638668554692732015-02-04T10:37:00.002-08:002015-02-04T10:40:34.192-08:00A Shout Out to the Play-It-Small-Gals<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What does stepping out look like to you?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What arena in your life is hinting - I know you have more to offer than you let on?</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-30cbc1c2-55cf-763a-dc5a-0c23fa05a935" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think many of us are play-it-small-gals...for lots of reasons.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I also realize more and more that if you take the time to really hear, and see, and know the women around you, you’ll find out that even the ones who seem to be living large and playing beautifully into their own strengths... also have insecurities, questions of worth, and a failure or mistake that they just can’t seem to forget.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Have you ever heard the line of thinking - ‘happiness is a form of courage’? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I believe the same can be said for bringing what you have, and who you are, into the playing field and unapologetically announcing...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m here to contribute because </span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I've</span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> got something great to offer.”</span></span></b></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Freaky Friday right?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Someone gave me a huge compliment recently and it will likely only ring true as a compliment to me. She said, “You’re quirky, and you like ugly things, and that’s awesome.”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I loved this, and it runs through my mind almost everyday now, and I smile.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And here’s why….</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s true, I am quirky and I like ugly things...and I’ve fought for 38 years to be okay with that. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To be okay with me.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m going to be brutally honest here and I just know that it’s going to resonate, because that’s what honesty always does. You shine the light into the dark corners, and all of the skeletons scatter.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was an overachiever at a very young age, and the second I started school that was recognized. I was bumped into higher grade levels for academic subjects and I was chosen to mentor my own peers who were struggling because I was patient and had an effortless grasp of the work so I was always ahead of everyone else. Early on I was placed in academic enrichment and was removed from my class several times per month to study more advanced topics. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I loved school.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I loved what it did for my brain.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I loved that I was good at it. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I loved contributing.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I felt like I had an identity where my strengths were celebrated.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know...horrifying right?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But I don’t know if you know where this is going….</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As a result of being singled out I got labeled by my peers. They weren’t endearing terms. They were accusatory and meant to belittle me. In fifth grade it developed into full blown bullying and a new girl took on the role of ring leader in an effort to completely decimate all of my friendships and successes, and destroyed my sense of self worth right along with it.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I never told anyone.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I didn’t even know until far into my grown up years that these actions were classified as bullying.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">All I knew was this - who I was and the things I was good at were going to be a source of torment and ridicule and my safest bet would be to get as close to being invisible as possible.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And that’s what I did.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For years.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We moved that year and changed schools but the damage had been done. Starting out in grade 6 my teacher contacted my parents and asked if I had been in special education classes at my previous school because I was so timid he assumed there must be an intellectual delay at play. He was floored when my mom told him that I was a straight A, enrichment student.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Upon entry into grade 9 my assigned guidance counsellor set up an appointment with me to nail down which academic clubs I was going to join. I told him I wouldn’t be joining any of them. Over the next few weeks he urged me to reconsider, and I wouldn’t. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In tenth grade my English teacher asked me to submit a written piece for the English awards. I brushed her off forever, until I finally caved and shoved a messy, hand-written essay into her hands just so she would leave me alone.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">By grade 11 I was nearly failing every course and in grade 12 I got kicked out of school. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I almost didn’t graduate.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve had the nagging suspicion for decades that who I am is just too much.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Too much to accept.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Too much to like.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Too much to love.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You too?</span></span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have spent all of my adult years sifting through this message...and listening to this voice...that sounded like my own...believing it was the voice of protection and security for me. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But I’ve been wrong.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And you’re wrong too.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No one else can offer up what I can offer up. Because all of it was hand-chosen and assigned by a Creator whose ways are higher. A God who knows that the place I live and the people I know may need someone like me to give what I’ve got to give.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No one can bring to the table what you can bring to the table. Because when you were created, the mold was broken. You’re the one and only. You choose to hide what you have and who you are...and the world misses out. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Emerging past these walls is hard, but also like getting reacquainted with an old, long lost friend...one I liked...one who I could remember really loving at one point.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are many, many unknown reasons why people play small in their lives...why they don’t bring their best to the table. You may not even know that she is outstanding in one area... or he is gifted in another. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s all kept under wraps.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But...can I shout it from the rooftops....?!?!?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>It’s. Not. Worth. It.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s time to take the jump.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s time to risk it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Because your life</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>style</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">of burying and hiding and playing small...soon becomes your life</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>story.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We weren’t created to bury the light. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We were created to bring it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-41331949052994783252015-01-17T08:06:00.000-08:002015-01-17T08:06:29.164-08:00The Gift of the Unexpected Mile MarkersI sat in a job interview this week...and I was prepared, and there was flow, and it was good.<br />
There's no answer yet, I don't know if this is the next fork in the road or not.<br />
<br />
<i>Waiting.</i><br />
<br />
I slept well the night before the interview, but the night after my veins were charged with adrenaline and I spent many of the nighttime hours processing all...and anything...and everything.<br />
<br />
And my mind flashed back to the last time I sat in an interview that held a lot of weight for me, and the flashes were vivid and tangible.<br />
<br />
3 1/2 years ago.<br />
Broken and reeling.<br />
Hoping to get a part time shift, here or there, when I didn't even rightly know what day it might be or how I was going to make a life with my children on my own....<br />
The questions weaved in and out of job-related, to personal attributes, until..."tell us about yourself", crashed like a bomb into that office. It seemed to echo and shake the walls from where I sat and I stared at the two women across from me, perched and ready for my response...and all that came to mind was: my reality, and the parting words from my marriage that would prove to be the hauntings of my loneliest moments for several years moving forward.<br />
<br />
"Tell us about yourself" ~ <i>My marriage is broken and my husband is gone.</i><br />
"Tell us about yourself" ~ <i>Nothing I could ever offer would be anything anyone will ever want."</i><br />
"Tell us about yourself" ~ <i>I live in my sister's basement.</i><br />
<br />
<b>Silence.</b><br />
<br />
Although the torture of that moment will always be stamped on my recall, and it seemed to be countless ages of dead air where I inwardly crumbled at a simple question....The reality is, it was a split second pause, I weakly answered the question and shockingly got the job.<br />
<i>Grace.</i><br />
<br />
It occurred to me, in the looking back, that the meeting this week was dramatically incomparable to the last one...those 3+ years ago...and not because the questions, or the scene were all that different...<i><b>but I was.</b></i><br />
<br />
Life's mile marker can pop up at very unexpected times.<br />
And even though I don't know the outcome of the interview this week - I know, <i>and celebrate, </i>the proofs of growth, and healing and grace in my life.<br />
God is at work.<br />
Always.<br />
<br />
I cannot count the ways my life being completely decimated has changed me ~ for the better.<br />
But in all honesty, the moment you realize you've been slotted for growth it doesn't usually feel sweet.<br />
It feels like pain and confusion.<br />
It feels like darkness and the unknown.<br />
It feels raw, and open, and wounded.<br />
<br />
<b><i>One of the sweetest and hardest whispers you will ever hear is: I love you too much to leave you like this.</i></b><br />
<br />
This is where He works.<br />
The hard comes first.<br />
The sweet comes next.<br />
It doesn't mean that we suffer at the hands of God.<br />
It means that He can take ashes and spin beauty... <i>if we let Him.</i><br />
<br />
If you're deep in the choppy waters of His work....<br />
And if it feels far more like swimming to exhaustion, and near-drowning, instead of a Divine intervention....<br />
Force your tired soul to hear the whisper....<br />
<i><b>"I love you too much to leave you like this...."</b></i><br />
<br />
Be mad at it first.<br />
That's real and necessary.<br />
But know this:<br />
<i>That whisper is drenched in grace and is weighted heavy with extravagant, overflowing care.</i><br />
<br />
When He begins His work - He is faithful to complete it.<br />
And maybe not now, and maybe not tomorrow...maybe 3 years from today...light will crash into your thoughts and you will catch a glimpse of the miracle, and you will know this is your story, and it's unfolding just as it should.<br />
<br />
No devastation is out of beauty's reach.<br />
Not mine.<br />
Not yours.<br />
Not ever.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqORdbvKkDO24McucPvdt6SrKFjaUZrnR_CqKVCEEncCHo5IGczBY5RAfUpg3yKuSQlJYgCDTdLAZuJ_-rqQDpy7FLvFCfZCT39q0tUh9wmtcOmjkvNMQdp-n-IkrXFSBtAgA5KzObTQsv/s1600/they+tried+to+bury+us.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqORdbvKkDO24McucPvdt6SrKFjaUZrnR_CqKVCEEncCHo5IGczBY5RAfUpg3yKuSQlJYgCDTdLAZuJ_-rqQDpy7FLvFCfZCT39q0tUh9wmtcOmjkvNMQdp-n-IkrXFSBtAgA5KzObTQsv/s1600/they+tried+to+bury+us.JPG" height="320" width="289" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-66962509897237086222014-12-30T09:06:00.000-08:002014-12-30T09:06:12.243-08:00Making Peace With New Year's ResolutionsWhat if it was time to come to peace?<br />
<br />
What if it was time to lay down the weapons that wound....<br />
Cease the hateful words....<br />
Call a truce with the finger pointing....<br />
<br />
And what if the person it was time to end the war on....<i><b>was you</b></i>?<br />
<br />
The ticking of the clock, counting down the hours and minutes towards the midnight strike of December 31 can make my head spin.<br />
Thoughts and ponderings of how I should've done better...<br />
How I could've tried harder....<br />
How I didn't quite make the mark here - and how I didn't even come close over there.<br />
<br />
<b>Focus on the lack comes so easily.</b><br />
<br />
Then comes the admonishment ...'<b><i>You're going to be so much </i>different<i>, and so much </i>more<i>, in the coming year</i>.'</b><br />
<br />
You too?<br />
Yes, that's what I thought.<br />
<br />
How about - not this year friends?<br />
<br />
Here's what I've been waking up to this past year:<br />
<br />
I am drawn to people who wear the essence of who they are like a well-loved sweater.<br />
I am disarmed by those who bring every inch of themselves to the table, and say - without apology - <span style="color: red;">T</span><b><span style="color: orange;">h</span><span style="color: yellow;">i</span><span style="color: lime;">s </span><span style="color: cyan;">i</span><span style="color: blue;">s</span> <span style="color: purple;">m</span><span style="color: magenta;">e</span><span style="color: blue;">!</span></b><br />
I am captivated by the rare one who celebrates their uniqueness - flaws and all - unabashedly, and with abandon....<br />
Aren't you?<br />
<br />
In knowing friends and peers and mentors and coworkers, young and old, who don't dull their light because they know its worth...I am given permission to shine mine also.<br />
<br />
It takes courage.<br />
And we might have to summon some bravery when we're unsure...and offer ourselves some extravagant grace in those really tough spots. But, as with anything, practice makes progress.<br />
<br />
I'm just tired of second guessing.<br />
I'm weary of self-induced battle.<br />
I'm ready to come alongside myself and say...<br />
No more...<br />
It's over...<br />
I have value...<br />
Scars and all...I am enough.<br />
And you are too.<br />
xox<br />
<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-24780202519211970952014-11-22T05:26:00.000-08:002014-11-22T05:26:31.962-08:00When Anger Isn't a Feeling ~ But a SeasonI came to anger...and I could not deny it any longer.<br />
This is the rite of passage.<br />
It had become damaging...and stalled-out...to deny my own path.<br />
It is a depth I needed to go to.<br />
<br />
And yet...in that knowing...I wrestled and struggled with stepping into this space - walking into anger. It sat ill with me, a wrong fit, although I couldn't take it off.<br />
<br />
Am I an authentic, transparent, growing person if I don't allow the journey to unfold as it will?<br />
If I reject my story?<br />
If I deny my truth?<br />
<br />
Wrestling....<br />
<br />
I felt a nudge in my spirit....<i><b>What is your question? What do you fear?</b></i><br />
I answered...truthful and uncomfortable...<i><b>I've come to anger. And it's real and raw and necessary. But I am afraid....afraid because I can't side-step it any longer, but afraid that if I step into it - You won't be able to find me.</b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
And the response was grace, and it was the One I know....<br />
<b><i>How could I lose you when I'm going there with you? I will walk with you, just don't let go of my hand.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
And when I think I can't know His character, or His good ways any deeper than I already do...when I feel as if I am good, and clear, and strong on who I walk with...He comes into my darkness and blasts light even into this.<br />
<br />
Because to be caught in the rhythms of grace means that He flows and moves with us. And where can we go that He is not there?<br />
<br />
I forget that grace means favour unmerited, unearned. I forget that He doesn't just offer love, but He <b><i>IS </i></b>love.<br />
<br />
My human walk is not predictable, tidy or easy. I run the entire gamut of emotions, and feelings, and I still want to edit the ugly, scary and uncomfortable ones out. But I can only run so long, deny so long, put up a front so long...and then I am soul weary, spent, and empty...and I am anxious to admit that the real me is anything but perfect.<br />
<br />
And so many would, could, and do...turn away, check out and sprint in the opposite direction when the 'not perfect' comes out. Things get tough, messy, hard...and the buzzer rings: <span style="color: red;">GAME OVER</span>.<br />
<br />
But I'm caught in the rhythms of grace - <i>favour unearned</i>.<br />
And these rhythms play out through the entire song of my life - and it's not a one-dimensional, elementary plunking out of Chopsticks. It's a multi-layered, complicated masterpiece, and the rhythms of grace flow in and through the complex, the tricky, the complicated.<br />
And the Composer - the giver of grace - He performs masterfully - <span style="color: purple;">ALWAYS.</span><br />
<br />
I'm never too complicated of a piece for Him. My layers are not too tricky. He does not tire of the work it takes to love me and walk with me.<br />
<br />
So I came to anger.<br />
And I faced it, and stepped into it.<br />
And it's hard.<br />
And I'm not alone, or lost, or forgotten.<br />
<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-86478727063356936752014-10-15T16:26:00.000-07:002014-10-15T16:27:13.050-07:00Don't Skip the DarkI don't know much about a lot of things lately.<br />
<br />
Really...it's a tough season.<br />
<br />
And writing tough season, means something to me, but maybe it's a nice and neat packaged statement to the reader. Truth be told though, my life is anything but nice, and neat, and packaged right now.<br />
It's not pretty at all.<br />
<br />
The bottom falls out at many different intervals in life, in many different ways it seems. It's not at the same time of year, it's likely not the same problem as last time, and it's not always expected...sometimes it's entirely shocking.<br />
<br />
I didn't see this go-round coming.<br />
I thought I was doing okay.<br />
<br />
I've been making good choices, and I've been practicing gratitude. I've been turning away from negativity and I've been taking chances and risks to move closer to the life I want for myself. It would appear that, on paper, I've been doing...all of the right things.<br />
And if there's anything I'm a sucker for, it's a do-gooder checklist.<br />
A checklist is right up there with Disneyworld and a girls spa day for my perfectionist personality.<br />
Go ahead and tell me there are 10 choices/tasks/responsibilities to fulfill and I can expect a predetermined outcome....and I'm ALL IN.<br />
<br />
I'm a rule follower, a list maker, a measurable outcomes gal.<br />
I want to know what I have to do to feel secure in expecting a good life.<br />
The tricky part about being wired this way is that life, in all of its plot twists, pivots and cliffhanger question marks is anything but predictable.<br />
<br />
I'm struggling with it.<br />
That's the honest truth.<br />
<br />
I am weary and a little ravaged from the last big bungee jump that life kind of pushed me into.<br />
I sort of feel like I had only merely begun the new ascent from that free fall...and yet...the rearrangement has started again.<br />
<br />
And I've cried about it.<br />
And I've been really angry about it.<br />
And I've toyed with bitterness, wondering if maybe I skipped that last time and maybe it wasn't to be skipped.<br />
Lots of sleepless hours in the dark nights, lots of physical, emotional and spiritual unrest...<br />
<br />
And even in the <b>real </b>and <b>authentic</b> place of hurt, and question, and inescapable why - I am searching for the 5 steps that I can take to GET OUT of this uncomfortable, and bleak, and dark stop on the journey to wherever I'm headed.<br />
I don't want THIS to be part of it.<br />
I want to wrap it up and seal it shut and dispose of it.<br />
Because I see it as inconvenient and an interruption...and I don't want to be weighed down with... <i><b>being human.</b></i><br />
Let me skip it....let me deny it.<br />
<br />
<i>Because we don't talk very often about how it's <b>brave </b>to admit the valley's. </i><br />
<i>We don't shout about the <b>courage</b> it takes to face the night. </i><br />
<i>We don't <b>celebrate</b> stopping. </i><br />
<i>We don't <b>cheer</b> on the weary traveler who chooses to...rest.</i><br />
<br />
The problem with rushing through the darkest days is that you also rush through any growth or healing or strength that can be gained from staying in them.<br />
Just as night falls so we can regenerate and rest and be still. And just like any expert will tell you that forgoing sleep in the dark hours is detrimental to our health and well being...<br />
So the dark comes in our lives....urging us to rest and be still. And the Expert urges us to stay there awhile, notice the landscape and the stars...for this place is valid and has worth also.<br />
And skipping it leaves us less, empty, jittery...not quite ready for what's next.<br />
<br />
This time I'm going to listen.<br />
I'm not going to shrug it off and push it down.<br />
I'm not going to fool myself into believing that only the sun-filled seasons have value.<br />
I'm going to stop and listen and learn.<br />
I know the sun will rise again...but I'm not going to be so bold to assume that I can rush it to bend to my watch. I'm going to respect it and be thankful for rest, and look at some stars, and be restored...<br />
And then I can be truly thankful when the dawn cracks through the night once again, and I can carry on.<br />
<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-4374070002587224612014-08-29T19:52:00.000-07:002014-08-29T20:00:25.811-07:00Always Choose KindnessIn the great many things you look forward to as a mother, hearing the words..."she's my new step-mom"...is not one of those things.<br />
<br />
I do not believe that anyone sets out in a marriage expecting, truly, that one day it will end. I also cannot believe that any mother assumes that one day her young children will split their time between two households, two lives...and have many experiences, adventures and memories as they grow, with their other family.<br />
<br />
Even when you've come to acceptance with what is.<br />
Even when you've found peace and healing from within the collection of things that got broken.<br />
And you like your life...<br />
There are certain terms, certain new milestones and certain recurring scenarios that are capable of delivering a shock to your system.<br />
Still.<br />
Even now.<br />
There's a lot of new territory to cover.<br />
<br />
MY choices in life, the pursuits of my heart, largely focus on running well - this race that has been set before me. What is before me in this season?<br />
My children.<br />
They are glorious in their yet, still, newness to this Earth. Imagine...only having been around for 5, or 7 1/2 years? Still so many discoveries happening, still a conveyor belt of new sights, and words, and sounds. Still so much innocence and purity and joy.<br />
These things I work to protect. And conserve. And nurture.<br />
These little souls - they're people. Their life, right now...what they see, hear and feel...it's all part of the framework of who they're becoming.<br />
It all...counts.<br />
<br />
Hear me when I say - I love you my friends for loving ME. I love you for being protective and watchful of ME. These gifts of friendship and advocacy...the showing up in the dark and never leaving...ever. These are all parts of MY STORY and why I'm really, really okay today, right now.<br />
<br />
Now....hear me when I say - my kids love their dad, and they love the family he has chosen. And part of preserving their childhood and protecting their beautiful little hearts...is to LET THEM love their dad and his new family. I am thankful that they speak these feelings, these words of affection, openly and without strained pause in my home. I am thankful that they have no idea at 5 and 7 what my journey has been, and that they are unabashedly loving who they want to love - wild and free. As children should.<br />
My load is not theirs to carry.<br />
<br />
This life that has been set before me is not what I ever imagined. EVER.<br />
And there is a great deal of work, and prayer, and then some more work that is required to get to 'okay'.<br />
<br />
BUT...back there...in the depths of brokenness...the wise words of a woman, I'd met just months prior, kept fighting, repeatedly, through all the noise, PUSHING to the forefront:<br />
<br />
"Always choose kindness, always choose forgiveness.<br />
Don't choose to hold onto anger.<br />
Kindness disarms.<br />
Anger pushes away.<br />
Choose kindness."<br />
<br />
When my children open their hearts and their mouths and share their joys and their happenings and...their life with me.<br />
I want them to see kindness...<br />
Not the painted on variety to try to sell something, through gritted teeth, that I don't believe in.<br />
The kindness that comes from a deep peace in my soul and knowing the love that always wins. And that soul is mine and that soul has experienced forgiveness far too many times to ever be able to deny it to someone else.<br />
<br />
There is strength for today.<br />
There is bright hope for tomorrow.<br />
These blessings...they're all mine, with ten thousand beside.<br />
<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-1393298139043361672014-04-22T15:04:00.000-07:002014-04-22T15:04:36.076-07:00Choosing the Hard.<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Three years come and gone and this is what I want to share. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Share the journey, share the path, share a shred of the story.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And it’s not for the feedback and it’s not for the wallowing...it’s for the hope, and the glimpse of the ‘other side’, and giving glory where glory is due.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-081b3616-8b50-cbd4-8c31-881d20c513c9" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We run from the hard and we cling to the easy. We avoid mess and we strive for perfection. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We have an unrealistic idea that if things are ‘right’ then they’re easy.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When things get hard..we want an escape route.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A sideways whisper in my direction, more than once...a wondering from a disillusioned voice…</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">”How hard is it to be on your own?”... </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Tell me the truth...how hard is going through a divorce?”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well...on my own?... The hard could never be wrapped up neatly in a packaged paragraph. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The truth?...About separating two lives? About walking the path of divorce?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>How hard is it to take an 8 ½ x 11 sheet of paper, one whole... and split and divide those bonded fibres into two separate entities, functional and unmarred? </i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>It’s hard.</b></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And hard can mean many different things…and it doesn't have to mean the end of the story.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I guess the question for any, and all of us is...how hard is it, and what am I going to do with it?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How hard is staying and pounding out the flaws in a marriage, because you chose love a long time ago?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How hard is traversing infertility or the long road of adoption?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How hard is being single when you desperately want a companion to walk with?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How hard is losing a loved one?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How hard is watching a family member fight addiction?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How hard is putting your parent into long term care?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How hard is ….hard?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here’s what I know:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you’re really living, if you’re really ‘in’ life - it’s hard. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Doing life and sticking it out with other flawed people, and situations, is hard. And not always the trudging, clawing, can’t see the light, hard, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">although there are those seasons…</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes it’s the worthy, exhilarating, and purposeful hard. Like running a marathon. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s hard and people choose it!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s punishing and takes discipline and determination. It takes work and commitment. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But it’s WORTH it, and it’s REWARDING.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We fight and laugh and cry through the hard in life everyday... and when we triumph through the worthy-hard and we reach the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>mountain peak moments </i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">or the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>smooth sailing moments</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> we can breathe deep, and know true satisfaction, and we understand better the GUTS OF LIFE.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know the strong squeeze of a 7 year-old bear hug, and the lilting whisper of ‘I love you momma’ from a 5 year-old while saying good nights…</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I also remember the grasp of a hand that used to hold mine when we shared a life together...and it’s not a flashing picture, it’s a knowing... like you know something that’s a part of you - the strength of the grip and the warmth of the skin...and now it’s in the past, yet present with me, and perhaps that is mine to carry.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline;">There is no insurance plan that can be bought that will guarantee easy street. If you haven’t come upon the grit of </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline;">hard </span><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline;">yet...you will.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I stared at shoots and sprouts in egg carton cups this afternoon, reaching like a BIG STRETCH towards the sun...and it was very clear to me that each green life just fought a battle, each one had to break out of a shell that was too small to contain its potential, and then push through darkness and dirt and weight...towards the surface...the light...to find the breath, the purpose, the glory of becoming.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAQgKQDSi5pOOicsqNVh-mRowvYHHX35xIWla8CpybnkkELjSblyGH7mulhagOr0x5yBoQ9jCySFCUTzVq6nbov4aPx7-8OEUP6F1a0kgphX3_vwgXVHXrbFkXzZ0TDwB2LXsR2ZwXDTdx/s1600/we+can+do+hard+things.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAQgKQDSi5pOOicsqNVh-mRowvYHHX35xIWla8CpybnkkELjSblyGH7mulhagOr0x5yBoQ9jCySFCUTzVq6nbov4aPx7-8OEUP6F1a0kgphX3_vwgXVHXrbFkXzZ0TDwB2LXsR2ZwXDTdx/s1600/we+can+do+hard+things.jpg" height="320" width="255" /></a></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This I know - we are all meant to break out of a safe and comfortable shell. We are all required to push through dark, bleak and heavy times. We all have the potential to grow towards our big purpose in life, unabashedly running towards our light, our life source, our Creator, who has plans to see us flourish, and spread our branches wide and full.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s all part of the plan to get us to who we are supposed to be. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hard is in the plan.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And the hard we live out is our choice</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So I choose my hard. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I choose radical faith in a God that created me and knows my every breath, even though I may not even know the next step. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I choose to show up everyday in the life, and the mess, and the beauty that surrounds - and to SEE it and FEEL it and BREATHE it, as if it was put there just for me..</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">because it was.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I choose </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>not</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to edit my authentic and vulnerable responses to those present in my life because of past hurts.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I choose to run away from bitterness that’s like cancer...surrender anger that can consume an entire life ...and wish the past farewell with love in my heart..</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And sometimes it’s hard.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But it’s the worthy-hard.</span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>And because I know my purpose and the One who authored it - I can do hard things.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-4054017597975958502014-03-15T08:19:00.001-07:002014-03-15T08:19:30.740-07:00Confessions from a Heart Learning About Generosity...In the middle of the never-ending winter I suited up beds with fresh, clean sheets. The sun poured in the windows, even though the blinds were drawn and I thought about the simple beauty in a day and in a life...and on second glance...wait - what was that?<br />
A fly?<br />
A big fat fly wandering from behind that closed blind out onto my window sill?<br />
I stared at it, confused.<br />
This is winter!<br />
How long have you been there in the shadows...without me noticing? How have you stayed alive?<br />
My thoughts quickly went from confusion, to questions and then to...anger.<br />
I was annoyed at this stupid bug. I'm not a fan of winged creatures crawling on the inside walls of my safe, <i>reserved-for-humans-only</i> house. I was irritated by its presence and moreover I was indignant that in the midst of winter - <i>which, to me, is just a long, lovely break from all things buzzy and wingy</i> - there it was. Right there. Where it didn't belong and where I didn't want to think about it.<br />
<br />
Does my reaction seem over the top?<br />
Would you feel the same way?<br />
<br />
When I broke it down and thought about it...my reaction did seem pretty intense for a housefly. But, unedited, and in the moment - those were my gut reactions. And, my mind couldn't help but start to draw a parallel from the most unexpected circumstances...and even if you can't relate to the fly invasion reaction, consider how you feel about what the next level is. I think it will be recognizable to many of us...<br />
<br />
He calls out for spare change in the middle of the theatre district, and in your dressy clothes and sweet smelling perfume, you avert your eyes and grab the arm of your companion, stepping around him and whispering under your breath - "Seriously, you can't even go out anymore without them being there. Why is he here? Go get a job."<br />
<br />
You flop on the couch and flick on the TV to relax after a long day and the first image across the screen is a newscaster reporting about the human trafficking epidemic that is '<i><b>closer to home than you think</b>'</i>. You shake your head and think - way to ruin my downtime..why do I want to think about that right now...or ever?!? It's too sad and horrible. What can I possibly do about that?<br />
<br />
The malls are packed with holiday shoppers, Christmas tunes lilt through the halls and stores. You're feeling elated as you have just one last thing to shop for and then your list will be done...you can officially enjoy Christmas. Then - dead ahead - there it is - right in the middle of the mall - the sponsor child display. The workers are actually going INTO the crowd and approaching people with packets affixed with pictures of children! Why do they DO THAT?!? Why do they use the holidays to try to guilt me into caring about people I don't even know? And where does that money go anyway?<br />
<br />
Sound or feel familiar?<br />
It came to me clearly, because it's familiar to me.<br />
In a season of raising <i><b>my own</b></i> kids and dealing with <i><b>my own</b></i> life-stuff, there have been times where the poor, the maginalized and the desperate feel like an interruption.<br />
You?<br />
<br />
The images we're bomabarded with can leave us feeling not empowered to help, <i>but rather</i>, helpless to affect any real change.<br />
Sometimes it truly is a heart attitude about who matters -<i> and we have decided that the people that matter are our families and ourselves.</i> <b>And if that's the case then we really do need to consider change.</b><br />
And sometimes, it's the magnitude of the problems that leave us feeling as if - <i><b>what does my time, my money, or my compassion even do?</b></i><br />
<br />
Here's what I'm learning.<br />
<br />
There is always more room to give. Always.<br />
Generosity is rarely - if ever - repaid with lack.<br />
The opening of a heart almost always results in a heart that strangely - now - has even more room to grow.<br />
Overwhelmed? Choosing those little moments that present themselves on a weekly or daily basis. Try one of those out.<br />
The $40/month sponsor child may be a 'no' for you, but taking a senior citizen's grocery cart back to the store for them, or a weekly purchase of Kraft Dinner tacked on to your groceries for the food bank may be a 'yes'.<br />
<br />
It seems we defer to our brains when we feel we may lose something and we defer to our hearts when we want something. Next time an opportunity to 'see' someone in need presents itself and you feel your protective brain kicking in - <i><span style="color: red;">defer to your heart</span>. </i><br />
Try it out. See what it feels like.<br />
<br />
<i><b>I'm learning when it comes to true generosity, and compassion, and benevolence...the heart usually <span style="font-size: large;">can</span> be trusted.</b></i><br />
<br />
The truth is - at the end of my days, I don't want to look back and say, "I was really good at protecting what was mine."<br />
I want to say, "I was blessed with much and I gave all that I could, whenever I could, and I have no regrets."<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOSi3nU4nebpEs0pg_4QZpodm_CsFXgNy5lX1YPlWwZG6KCY0f1CSvpRTyHHBYRQ5fIYM-fa4VkQZY6_m8XuBkOJTj-IS8vqtGVNRkH7k18KXttz8ft-a7n5zh9rVL6oO6rVxVrwGhMRFU/s1600/the+willingness+to+share.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOSi3nU4nebpEs0pg_4QZpodm_CsFXgNy5lX1YPlWwZG6KCY0f1CSvpRTyHHBYRQ5fIYM-fa4VkQZY6_m8XuBkOJTj-IS8vqtGVNRkH7k18KXttz8ft-a7n5zh9rVL6oO6rVxVrwGhMRFU/s1600/the+willingness+to+share.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-15881627525292362852014-03-04T17:22:00.002-08:002014-03-04T17:22:51.102-08:00A Thought on Mothering...In the midst of little people learning to use the toaster and trails of crumbs that could surely lead to the moon and back...<b><i>I am learning to hear the laughter</i>.</b><br />
In the noise of turning the TV off and siblings learning and practicing how to take turns and play fair...<b><i>I am trying to see the joy.</i></b><br />
<i><br /></i>
Someone, not too far back, said - "<i><b>this is their childhood...right here and right now....all of it...</b></i>"<br />
<br />
So when I want to shush the silliness, because I love and crave quiet, I opt instead to remind them about being considerate. And when the volume in the car reaches epic levels of childhood noise...sometimes I bite my tongue and just put the window down.<br />
I don't know if I ever realized how effectively different personalities in a house can push you to grow. When those different personalities are my own children...it makes me very mindful and careful-<i>careful</i> not to push them to change in the moment - for my own comfort, to serve my own personality.<br />
I thought I would be the sole teacher in this mothering game, but that is almost hilariously contrary to the truth.<br />
You see, they take chances I had stopped taking...and they jump in like I never did. They love hard and vulnerably and it reveals the contrast in my reserved ways and self-preserving methods. And the laughter...oh the laughter.<br />
I had no idea how much of this journey would be my own, and how much these two little souls would be sent to be my transformation and my personal overhaul.<br />
Showing up every day...and being 'in it' with them...is challenging on every level. And I don't know if there is truly any other relationship that stretches you on so many levels...but you're not looking for the exit sign. I am so in love and so invested that when the work presents itself - <i><b>the work on me</b></i> - I wrestle and I dig and I do it - because their purity cannot lie and I know the revelations are true.<br />
If you really want a self help kit that will rearrange you forever and irreversibly...invest in a child.<br />
Seriously, God's wisdom and planning and foresight can be spooky.<br />
He knows. He knows. He knows.<br />
I don't feel fit to the task ~ almost ever.<br />
Jumping in with total love and abandonment is the only option.<br />
Admittedly I am tired<i> a lot</i> and completely upended much of the time in the feeling of ...'<i><b>what exactly do I know?</b></i>'<br />
I am thankful that I was chosen<br />
I am thankful for His hand that guides me...<br />
And for the two that He sent to change me.<br />
Life with them is my pure joy.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-86643546315289965462014-01-04T08:59:00.000-08:002014-01-04T08:59:15.661-08:00Sunbeams and Raindrops...<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In a children's discovery book I read of rainbows and sunbeams and it wasn't fairy stories and magic. It was science and facts. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It told of how sunbeams are always multi-coloured... <i>everyday</i>...<i>always</i>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When they shine they are <span style="color: red;">red,</span> <span style="color: orange;">orange, </span><span style="color: yellow;">yellow,</span> <span style="color: lime;">green,</span> <span style="color: blue;">blue,</span> <span style="color: purple;">indigo,</span> <span style="color: magenta;">violet.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The trick is this...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Our eyes can only see the rainbow when the sunbeam collides with rain. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We see the beauty, <i>the colour is revealed to our eyes</i>, through the drops of rain that fall when the sun shines. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's the combination of the two, <i>the sun <b>and</b> the rain</i>, that allows our human eyes to see the out-of-the ordinary...the extraordinary...to see things differently.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And isn't that like life?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I love the sunshine moments in life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My leaning is to want them always. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My daydreams swirl around the idea of perfection...you? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A life without interruption of the good things. A life where every experience is happy, peaceful, fun, great, lovely...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The sun is a glorious force. It beats down on our faces and warms not only our skin but our hearts. It helps us to feel energized and motivated and it keeps us healthy. But our human nature will undoubtedly lead to this - too many days of sun and we stop noticing how great it is. We absorb the same benefits but it's just there...whatever.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Nature is representative of life on so many levels.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Have you ever met someone who has a pretty great set up - but they never seem content? The beauty of a moment is lost on them. Simple joys don't register. There is a shallowness that can't be forced to go any deeper. They only see one level of life, and they're less than impressed with it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">They only see the sunbeam.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We run from rain - figuratively and literally. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We check the weather forecast. We run to avoid getting wet. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And most of us dodge rain in our lives to avoid pain, undoing and heartbreak. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The frantic dance of someone trying to dodge rainfall in their life is one I've known well.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Not so graceful....and P.S...impossible.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We're meant to experience both...the sun and the rain.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Avoidance is futile.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's easy and common to have the mindset that rain ruins things. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It messes with plans. It makes puddles where we wanted a clear step. It floods out things that meant something...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Valuable things...</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Things we didn't want to let go of...</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Things we didn't want to lose. </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It washes away.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The hard truth is this - there is a depth to life when you've experienced some rain in your days. Seasons come and go, and through the storms you weather - and survive - you realize that there is meaning in the rain. Things that seemed average and one dimensional at one time - after a few storms - now have depth and layers and meaning that you couldn't have seen before...even if you'd wanted to...even if you'd tried.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You also learn that storms do eventually end and that there are lessons to be found in the midst of them...and new beauty on the other side of them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sunbeams and rain do a dance in our lives. They work together to grow us...and undo us...and renew us...and sustain us. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">They allow us to see differently. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm learning not to dodge the rain anymore. And when it does come, I'm looking down less...not focusing on the puddles and the mess. I'm glancing upward. I'm letting the drops hit me on the face because I know the sun WILL come, and if I catch it right - the rain may still be falling, and my eyes will see the streaming, dazzling colours...the gift that only comes from the rain in our lives. The promise, that although the rains may come, they will not destroy me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The rainbow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-90310203718462328582013-11-18T21:09:00.000-08:002013-11-20T18:40:29.618-08:00The Ways We Hide<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” </span></i></span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">― </span>Oscar Wilde</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How do you hide?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here's the truth.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have always been an extreme introvert. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've shied away from social functions. I've avoided groups of people. I've sat at the back during events. I didn't feel that I had anything to offer. I was petrified that if I said something it would be stupid. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My biggest goal in most circumstances was to blend in. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Disappear? Even better.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Marriage didn't magically cure me of my lack of confidence and my aspirations to be invisible. It became my crutch. I didn't need to make friends because I could stay home with my family. I didn't have to take risks with people that I didn't want to take, because I was married and that was going to be forever...so I was set. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I thought I'd eliminated the risk of getting hurt or embarrassed or singled out. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't care that I didn't have a very good chance of engaging with people, sharing my gifts and talents, or making any kind of a difference in my world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was hiding.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then one day I woke up...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I didn't have that title or that relationship or that life to hide behind anymore.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My hiding place was gone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was exposed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was a grown woman, a mother - with children of my own - and all of my <i>not-enough</i> was staring me in the face... and for every venture I made out into the world on my own I might as well have been a new kid standing alone on the first day of school.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was like starting from the very beginning.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've thought many times about how I could possibly share about the good that has come from devastation.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How can an event that rips you wide open and cracks you straight through the middle... have a story of redemption laced through it?</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The thing is...God uses everything. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The beautiful. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The lovely. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The noteworthy. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The sad. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The untimely. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The confusing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The tragic. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All of it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In fighting to find breath, and strength, and healing, I ended up finding the truth about who God is and what He does. In a season where hiding would've made a LOT of sense...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I learned that hiding isn't actually living. And I really, really wanted to feel what it felt like to...live.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.1875px;">I believe right down to my core that our paths and our twists and our turns, our wanderings and wondering, our hard fought and our sadly lost... and our discoveries and revelations through all of that... are to be shared.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.1875px;">It's what the human experience is about. It's what connects us and draws us closer to each other. The sharing is what spreads hope.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes that won't be pretty and polished. Sometimes it may reveal unsavoury things, and sometimes it won't land, and sometimes the result may be gritty and uncomfortable. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But that's okay.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="background-color: white;">The truth is only scary when it is hidden. Monsters hide in the dark</span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;">. And for all of the silence that wafts through the air after <i>the real</i> is offered up...there is usually one quiet whisper that says..<i>.thank you</i>...or...<i>me too.</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is nothing more comforting and hopeful than finding out that you're not the only one.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All of us have ways that we hide...and we have reasons for our hiding. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had my reasons, and I thought they were good reasons.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But here's what I know today...</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am thankful for the ways that my life was laid bare.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am thankful for the undoing that lead to rebuilding.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am thankful that the stripping away revealed things I would've never uncovered.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am thankful for a God who showed up in the darkest of dark shadows and saw my pieces and shards and tatters and immediately said, "I won't leave you here and I don't want you to hide any longer."</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In stepping out of the dark, the light can be shone on your worth...the Light is for me and it's for you too...</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.1875px;"><br /></span>
<div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="color: purple;">"<i>I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality."</i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="bq_fq_a" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<i><span style="color: purple;">Martin Luther King, Jr.</span></i></div>
<br style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;" />
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<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.1875px;"><br /></span>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-46986495804378818432013-04-07T07:43:00.000-07:002013-04-07T07:43:02.930-07:00Cling<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What about when what You ask of me is far greater than what I had expected?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Far more demanding than my strength can withstand....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And not in the...</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">'<i><b>T</b></i></span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>his-is-so-huge-and-amazing-I-don't-think-I'm-awesome-enough-for-it'....</b></i><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's the...</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">'<b><i>I couldn't have known that this many questions and this much undoing and all of this pain could possibly be representative of a girl who is still on the right path.'</i></b></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Yet, here I am.</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Life undone is hard to put in a pretty box.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Life transparent shows a lot of holes ~ a lot of the fraying fabric of my humanity.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is no timer that rings and signifies that clean up has begun and perfection is slated next on the agenda.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is no room for pretending or faking it.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In the deep end - you can't 'pretend' you know how to swim.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So the water is deep.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So the waves continue to swirl.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So the peaceful, quiet, shore is a long way off.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And I'm only one. Undone.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm kinda done with striving, kinda done with buying into the idea that my own effort is the only thing I can rely on...I've kinda been done with it for a long time.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm out of options that begin with the words -</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Me.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm choosing one word to start.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It's my only hope.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><b>Cling</b></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">There<i> is</i> a choice out here in the deep.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All is not lost - all is not pointless.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Cling - to the One who turns the tides.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Cling - to the One who sees me in my storm. It seems big to me, but He sees everything from beginning to end.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Cling - to the One who promised, <i>I will never leave you or forsake you.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Regardless of who or what stirred up this storm...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Regardless of who or what left me in the dark and never looked back...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There<i> is</i> One who is greater than the winds that blow in and out of my life.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There <i>is</i> One who brings peace to a restless heart.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is One who will never leave.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hope is built on this truth.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This lifeline is secure in any length of dark storm.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This promise lies not in the assurance of a life free of hard questions, pain and loss, but that there is an arm that holds on and never, ever lets go.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>And I smiled to think God's greatness</i></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Flowed around our incompleteness ~</i></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Round our restlessness, His rest.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Elizabeth Barrett Browning</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-1995049000625179902013-03-15T18:14:00.001-07:002013-03-15T18:14:11.240-07:00This is the Story<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; color: #222222; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">This is what I'm realizing:</span><br style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">Sometimes the back story in life is actually the main story in God's plans...</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; color: #222222; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><i>and.</i>...</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; color: #222222; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">The BIG, menacing, dramatic, attention-grabbing, life altering UP FRONT story is really just a catalyst. </span></span><br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">A way to get me to stop. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">To get silent. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">To ponder. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">To seek and to yield.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><br style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">When I uncomfortably agree to let the life-hole stay vacant until HE fills it.....instead of seeking a temporary band aid so I can move past the pain.... He reveals deep truths to me. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><i>I am at unrest with the confusion. </i></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><i>I want OUT of the uncomfortable place. </i></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><i>I don't want to dwell here. </i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">In my human heart I want to know Him because of the liberation FROM the pain and I want to FORGO the experience of His sustaining presence IN the dark places.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><br style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">When I try to solve things on my own, in my own timing, I interfere with His work ON ME. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">I see <i>every</i> situation with limited vision.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">If I push my own agenda, I risk forfeiting the space for His perfectly timed revelation that grows me, and calms me, and reminds me that He is perfect and He is ALWAYS working. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">He is my teacher and I have much to learn. </span><br style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">The only way to learn - straight from His heart - is to trust Him when I cannot see, and to seek worldly silence and Spirit whispers, </span><span style="color: #76517b; font-style: italic; line-height: 18.1875px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">instead </span><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">of giving into the pressing urge to defend myself.</span><br style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">When I decrease. He increases....</span></span><div>
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffffcc;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;"><i>He increases in my life.</i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffffcc;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;"><i>In my circumstance.</i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffffcc;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;"><i>And in my world. </i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffffcc;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;"><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffffcc;"><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">Choosing God's way can be humanly painful. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffffcc;"><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">Waiting upon Him can appear to the masses as foolishness.</span><br style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">Careful examination of the areas He highlights, the behaviours that He puts His finger on, causes me to see that the calamity, the undoing, the confrontations and the riffs - these monumental happenings that bring my days to a halt...</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffffcc;"><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">THESE ARE the backstory. </span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: #ffffcc;"><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;"><br style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">The BIG UP FRONT story is how he is winding and weaving His higher ways all throughout my life.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffffcc;"><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="color: #76517b; line-height: 18.1875px;">He is ever-presenting chances for me to see Him and choose Him and be changed by Him.</span></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-88288968835921094052012-11-15T08:54:00.001-08:002012-11-15T08:54:41.094-08:00Always Pick the Pretty One.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFsGymU-l2ttQ3ZM6eeiGj-tI-w0er2t-La6seS28mblaLx90WmsK6XoLZNi2W4heAsiZ8G1EKTn6qxtQ-m7HGdYqm3f5b8_yF9ovVxWruqP3wju8wurjIrzeKv-wq9_v5Au52NDje79A6/s1600/forever+is+composed+of+nows.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFsGymU-l2ttQ3ZM6eeiGj-tI-w0er2t-La6seS28mblaLx90WmsK6XoLZNi2W4heAsiZ8G1EKTn6qxtQ-m7HGdYqm3f5b8_yF9ovVxWruqP3wju8wurjIrzeKv-wq9_v5Au52NDje79A6/s400/forever+is+composed+of+nows.jpg" width="265" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I think, as a woman, I can fall into the rut<em><strong>... or plunging ravine </strong></em>...of just "making do", just "getting by".<br />
<br />
OF COURSE we all have days that are pulling us in so many different directions that some making-do-ness is required and necessary and totally legit.<br />
I can't even speak on anyone else's life. I just know - for me - it can go very very quickly from <em>one day</em> to an unconscious <em>total mind-set shift</em>...and<span style="color: purple;"> just.like.that</span>. I'm on auto pilot.<br />
<br />
I'm aware of this in myself. <br />
I am actively deciding to show up for my life.<br />
It's a choice I've made. <br />
There was a turning point... <br />
<br />
I had started taking stock...taken some time to reflect.<br />
I was trying to figure out when I had checked out. When I had stopped feeling fully. When I had shifted to "making do" for my<strong> LIFE</strong> not just a day.<br />
Ya know what was haunting?<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">I couldn't remember.</span> <br />
I had been in a fog for so long that I couldn't even pin point a timeframe where it had been different.<br />
I found this very very unsettling and disturbing.<br />
So I shook myself. <strong>HARD.</strong><br />
I woke up.<br />
I started making choices again...actively.<br />
I started doing everyday things that brought joy and conscious awareness again.<br />
I stopped "phoning in" my days and started showing up instead.<br />
Not easy.<br />
Actually really hard.<br />
But beyond worth it.<br />
<br />
Here's the thing though....<br />
~ <em><span style="color: magenta;">As with EVERYTHING in EVERY area of my life</span></em> ~<br />
It's<em> not</em> a one-time decision that sticks and never shifts again.<br />
It's an <em>always</em> and<em> everyday</em> series of choices that I make. <br />
I'm responsible for me.<br />
<br />
I'm not perfect.<br />
Give me a LONG week, a hard and draining day, some bad news, a sick kid, a lull in my journal and devotional life...<br />
And auto pilot kicks in.<br />
I DON'T want this to happen.<br />
<br />
I got a wake up call the other week when I was hurriedly picking some clothes from my drawer, scrambling to get myself dressed after taking care of everyone else's needs before school.<br />
We were bordering on lateness and I grabbed for the plain, non-descript, white shirt.<br />
My 3 year old stood by and watched my frenzied actions and came and put her hand on my arm.<br />
I stopped.<br />I looked at her.<br />
She put her hand on the shirt with flowers and colours on it.<br />
"Always pick the pretty one momma".<br />
I laughed and thought...<em><span style="color: #a64d79;">of course that's the way a little girl thinks.....like everyday is an occasion...and why on Earth would you leave the pretty one sitting in the drawer</span></em>?<br />
<br />
BUT<br />
<br />
Why don't I think everyday...<span style="color: red;">T</span><span style="color: orange;">O</span><span style="color: lime;">D</span><span style="color: blue;">A</span><span style="color: purple;">Y</span>...is worthy of the lovely, the beauty, the effort, the choosing of the pretty...<em>for me</em>?<br />
<br />
I push myself to bring creativity and variation and nutrition to my kids' lunches. <em>Because they're worth it.</em><br />
I put thought into what clothes they wear each day, picking the ones they like and feel good in. <em>Because they're worth it.</em><br />
I grab their drinks and their breakfast and pack their bags for school each morning. <em>Because they're worth that effort</em>.<br />
<span style="color: red;">I want them to have a great day. A great start. A great sense of home. A great outlook on life!</span><br />
<br />
When the quiet moment comes in MY day and I can take time for joy and devotion and the lovely...I often choose to close the drawer and stick with the basic and the non-descript version of my life.<br />
<br />
I need the reminders. <br />
I need the wake up calls.<br />
I want the colour in life. I desire the lovely. I need the devotion. I crave the beauty.<br />
I welcome the lesson in all of its forms and I love that God uses a 3 year old girl who believes in being a princess and a firefighter at the same time as my teacher more often than I could have imagined.<br />
Today is extraordinary and it only comes around once. As the seconds tick...this day slips away never to return again.<br />
I'm going to look for the lovely and choose it.<br />
<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-59449047620026205212012-11-09T07:52:00.003-08:002012-11-09T07:52:34.937-08:00Tuscan Bean Soup with SpinachHappy Friday :)<br />
<br />
It's a day full of kids ~ no-school day here ~ and a little birthday celebration for a cousin and lots of smile-worthy stuff.<br />
We have some mellow music playing on the ipod, we had cinnamon buns for breakfast and the play dough is getting lots of action.<br />
<br />
Here's a soup I made yesterday.<br />
It's simple and delicious.<br />
<br />
Here's the back-story....<br />
I was stuck in kid~land food for AGES.<br />
I was sick of it. I was uninspired and I wasn't willing to make elaborate dishes with complex ingredients that my kids would look at and cry. <br />
Not joking!<br />
<br />
I hit a wall.<br />
I realized once again that I'm in charge of my happiness and satisfaction in every area...even meals.<br />
I found a solution.<br />
Because it mattered to me.<br />
Because I was SICK to death of grilled cheese and waffles.<br />
<br />
I make small portions of the lovely, amazing food I enjoy.<br />
I eat it. <br />
I don't have left overs. <br />
I don't suffer tears and drama.<br />
I accept that my kids' pickiness is for a season.<br />
I re-entered the world of YUM.<br />
Happy.<br />
<br />
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<span style="color: #274e13; font-size: large;">Tuscan Bean Soup with Spinach.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">10 1/2oz canned cannellini beans, drained and rinsed</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">10 1/2oz canned cranberry beans, drained and rinsed</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">2 1/2c chicken or vegetable stock</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">1/2c small dry pasta shapes</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">4tbsp olive oil</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">2 garlic cloves, very finely chopped</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">Fresh baby spinach ~ as much as you like</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">salt and pepper</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"></span> </div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">Place half the cannellini and half the cranberry beans in a food processor (*<em>I used an immersion blender</em>*) with half the chicken stock and blend until smooth.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">(*<em>I only had white kidney beans and it still tasted amazing</em>*)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">Pour into a large, heavy-bottom pan and add the remaining beans.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">Stir in enough of the remaining stock to achieve the consistency you like, then bring to a boil.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"></span> </div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">Add the pasta and spinach and return to a boil, then reduce the heat and cook for 15ish minutes, or until just tender.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">Meanwhile, heat 3tbsps of the oil in a small skillet. Add the garlic and cook, stirring constantly, for 2-3mins, or until golden. Stir the garlic into the soup.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">Season to taste with salt and pepper and ladle into bowls.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;">DELICIOUS!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: black; font-size: large;"><span class="grand"><em>"A first-rate soup is more creative than a second-rate painting."</em></span></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-21563643079068315122012-11-01T09:50:00.001-07:002012-11-01T09:52:02.387-07:00Perfectly Imperfect<br />
She is 3.<br />
She is magic and passion and laughter and fire all rolled into 3 short years on this Earth.<br />
She learns and grows...it seems everyday...always something new, different, astonishing.<br />
I am pretty enthralled with her.<br />
<br />
I watch her draw. <br />
I see the big circle head and the dots for eyes and the straight line for a mouth.<br />
Inside I think ~ <em>there is nothing else in this world that I would rather watch right this second.</em><br />
I marvel at her progress and her creativity. I drink in her imagination and listen for the story that will go with the picture.<br />
It is life giving to my soul to be a part of her world. <br />
<br />
She finishes the first person and goes on to the second.<br />
The circle line doesn't match. It doesn't meet up.<br />
Her demeanour immediately changes. Darkens.<br />
"That's NOT the way it's supposed to look". <br />
I tell her it's awesome and that she's doing her best.<br />
"It's NOT right and I can't fix it. That's NOT what a head looks like. It's wrong."<br />
And in a blink the whole page is in the garbage and she<em> never wants to colour again....</em><br />
<em></em><br />
I can't match her frustration with an opposing argument.<br />
It doesn't matter what I offer up in that moment by way of encouragement or teaching.<br />
She wants perfection. Her 3 year old hands and coordination don't afford her the ability to pull off her idea of perfection and so she is inconsoleably disappointed in herself.<br />
<br />
It pains me.<br />
I know I couldn't have handled it differently. <br />
I know her...I know me.<br />
Oh...what was that??<br />
<br />
Ahh, yes.<br />
I know me.<br />
<br />
Her reaction.<br />
Her unattainable perfectionism.<br />
Her self-critical nature....<br />
It's me.<br />
I see me.<br />
<br />
I want to shrink away from this scenario.<br />
I want it to be different because I know where it leads.<br />
I want <em><strong>her</strong></em> to be different because I want <em><strong>her </strong></em>to be <span style="color: red;">happy </span>and <span style="color: orange;">carefree</span> and <span style="color: lime;">confident </span>and <span style="color: blue;">accepting</span> of her best efforts.<br />
I desire that....for<em><strong> her</strong></em>.<br />
<br />
Hmmm...but why don't I desire that for <em><strong>me</strong></em>?<br />
A three year old comes into my life and holds up a larger than life-size mirror and a 35 year old sees her reflection.<br />
<br />
Truth wash over me.<br />
Revelation sink in.<br />
Don't let this moment and its teaching and its value be fleeting.<br />
<br />
Open my eyes to see that my everyday<em><strong> is</strong></em> my best effort.<br />
Open my heart to acceptance...of <strong><em>me.</em></strong><br />
Open my mind to remember that there is Someone who marvels at His creation.<br />
Open my soul to remember that I am counted in that creation.<br />
<br />
Today is a great day to interrupt the cycle.<br />
Today is ripe for modeling something new.<br />
Today is calling for my perfect imperfection.<br />
I'm going to bring it...and offer it...and let it shine.<br />
Today.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7343486984708814062.post-49434584800072696752012-10-27T08:29:00.001-07:002012-10-27T09:19:16.698-07:00Let's GoOh hi there!<br />
It's a rainy Saturday here and I just made cinnamon buns...just for me.<br />
That was a hard decision to make...<em>crazy right</em>? <br />
But, yeah, deciding that me - just me - is worth cinnamon buns was actually a conversation in my head.<br />
<br />
I decided that I didn't want to wait until I had a full house.<br />
I decided I was worth it.<br />
I decided that today was just as good of a day as any.<br />
<br />
Sooo...that's a great segue into welcoming you into this new space.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: orange; font-size: large;">What About Today.</span><br />
<br />
See, here's the thing ~<br />
I've been learning a lot lately that <em>today</em> has value. <br />
And<em> today</em> isn't about what surrounds me and what my circumstance is.<br />
Today<strong> IS</strong> about my perspective and my choices and my blessings...and wow<em>...the blessings</em>...they are endless.<br />
<br />
Today is a great day to follow a dream, to smile, to forgive, to laugh, to hug, to learn something new, to pray, to be humble, to connect, to give more than I thought I could, to have a nap if I'm tired, to breathe in fresh air, to whisper and speak and yell and scream ~ at the top of my lungs ~ Thank You.<br />
<br />
I'm learning to not discount today.<br />
I'm learning that today has everything that I need and everything I hope for...if I choose to see it.<br />
<br />
Wow! That's pretty great news if you ask me.<br />
Do you want to join me?<br />
Do you want to run crazy brave and head-long into today?<br />
Do you want to figure out how to face down fear and insecurity, step over them and be counted among the few and the courageous who choose joy...freedom...grace...today?<br />
<br />
I'm doing it.<br />
I don't know what it'll look like.<br />
It might be messy and chaotic and disorganized.<br />
But...I have a sneaking suspicion it will be beautiful, captivating and glorious, funny, gripping and real.<br />
Let's go.<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3