Thursday, 15 November 2012

Always Pick the Pretty One.

I think, as a woman, I can fall into the rut... or plunging ravine ...of just "making do", just "getting by".

OF COURSE we all have days that are pulling us in so many different directions that some making-do-ness is required and necessary and totally legit.
I can't even speak on anyone else's life. I just know - for me - it can go very very quickly from one day to an unconscious total mind-set shift...and I'm on auto pilot.

I'm aware of this in myself.
I am actively deciding to show up for my life.
It's a choice I've made.
There was a turning point...

I had started taking stock...taken some time to reflect.
I was trying to figure out when I had checked out. When I had stopped feeling fully. When I had shifted to "making do" for my LIFE not just a day.
Ya know what was haunting?
I couldn't remember.
I had been in a fog for so long that I couldn't even pin point a timeframe where it had been different.
I found this very very unsettling and disturbing.
So I shook myself. HARD.
I woke up.
I started making choices again...actively.
I started doing everyday things that brought joy and conscious awareness again.
I stopped "phoning in" my days and started showing up instead.
Not easy.
Actually really hard.
But beyond worth it.

Here's the thing though....
~ As with EVERYTHING in EVERY area of my life ~
It's not a one-time decision that sticks and never shifts again.
It's an always and everyday series of choices that I make.
I'm responsible for me.

I'm not perfect.
Give me a LONG week, a hard and draining day, some bad news, a sick kid, a lull in my journal and devotional life...
And auto pilot kicks in.
I DON'T want this to happen.

I got a wake up call the other week when I was hurriedly picking some clothes from my drawer, scrambling to get myself dressed after taking care of everyone else's needs before school.
We were bordering on lateness and I grabbed for the plain, non-descript, white shirt.
My 3 year old stood by and watched my frenzied actions and came and put her hand on my arm.
I stopped.
I looked at her.
She put her hand on the shirt with flowers and colours on it.
"Always pick the pretty one momma".
I laughed and thought...of course that's the way a little girl everyday is an occasion...and why on Earth would you leave the pretty one sitting in the drawer?


Why don't I think worthy of the lovely, the beauty, the effort, the choosing of the pretty...for me?

I push myself to bring creativity and variation and nutrition to my kids' lunches. Because they're worth it.
I put thought into what clothes they wear each day, picking the ones they like and feel good in. Because they're worth it.
I grab their drinks and their breakfast and pack their bags for school each morning. Because they're worth that effort.
I want them to have a great day. A great start. A great sense of home. A great outlook on life!

When the quiet moment comes in MY day and I can take time for joy and devotion and the lovely...I often choose to close the drawer and stick with the basic and the non-descript version of my life.

I need the reminders.
I  need the wake up calls.
I want the colour in life. I desire the lovely. I need the devotion. I crave the beauty.
I welcome the lesson in all of its forms and I love that God uses a 3 year old girl who believes in being a princess and a firefighter at the same time as my teacher more often than I could have imagined.
Today is extraordinary and it only comes around once. As the seconds tick...this day slips away never to return again.
I'm going to look for the lovely and choose it.

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