Thursday, 1 November 2012

Perfectly Imperfect

She is 3.
She is magic and passion and laughter and fire all rolled into 3 short years on this Earth.
She learns and seems everyday...always something new, different, astonishing.
I am pretty enthralled with her.

I watch her draw.
I see the big circle head and the dots for eyes and the straight line for a mouth.
Inside I think ~ there is nothing else in this world that I would rather watch right this second.
I marvel at her progress and her creativity. I drink in her imagination and listen for the story that will go with the picture.
It is life giving to my soul to be a part of her world.

She finishes the first person and goes on to the second.
The circle line doesn't match. It doesn't meet up.
Her demeanour immediately changes. Darkens.
"That's NOT the way it's supposed to look".
I tell her it's awesome and that she's doing her best.
"It's NOT right and I can't fix it. That's NOT what a head looks like. It's wrong."
And in a blink the whole page is in the garbage and she never wants to colour again....

I can't match her frustration with an opposing argument.
It doesn't matter what I offer up in that moment by way of encouragement or teaching.
She wants perfection. Her 3 year old hands and coordination don't afford her the ability to pull off her idea of perfection and so she is inconsoleably disappointed in herself.

It pains me.
I know I couldn't have handled it differently.
I know her...I know me.
Oh...what was that??

Ahh, yes.
I know me.

Her reaction.
Her unattainable perfectionism.
Her self-critical nature....
It's me.
I see me.

I want to shrink away from this scenario.
I want it to be different because I know where it leads.
I want her to be different because I want her to be happy and carefree and confident and accepting of her best efforts.
I desire that....for her.

Hmmm...but why don't I desire that for me?
A three year old comes into my life and holds up a larger than life-size mirror and a 35 year old sees her reflection.

Truth wash over me.
Revelation sink in.
Don't let this moment and its teaching and its value be fleeting.

Open my eyes to see that my everyday is my best effort.
Open my heart to acceptance...of me.
Open my mind to remember that there is Someone who marvels at His creation.
Open my soul to remember that I am counted in that creation.

Today is a great day to interrupt the cycle.
Today is ripe for modeling something new.
Today is calling for my perfect imperfection.
I'm going to bring it...and offer it...and let it shine.

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